Slightly Unhinged Notes from the World Team Trophy Men’s Short Program

Shoma Uno, and his abs, at the 2017 Worlds gala.

It has been a long couple of weeks, during which I have discovered that I am ostensibly enough of an adult that people want to do things like grant me a home loan and hire me for paid work, despite the fact that my hair is three different colors on my driver’s license, my passport, and my actual head. I am also so tired of everyone’s program music that by the time I got to the men’s short program, I hit the mute button in the IceNetwork window and fired up the YouTube playlist of summer jams that I have been compiling. I watched the men’s short the evening after it occurred, because see above, plus there was a double episode of Survivor on Wednesday night, and I need very badly for Zeke Smith to triumph over transphobia and win a million dollars. So I am rating each program on 1) how well the athlete performed his technical elements, 2) how glad I am that I will never have to see his short program again (dear everybody, the Olympics are coming, please get new choreography), 3) how well his performance lined up with the arbitrary music that came out of my speakers while he skated, and 4) how adorable his teammates were in the kiss and cry afterward.

If you were looking for serious analysis, dude, it’s the freaking World Team Trophy. Team France are dressed as Minions. None of the world medalists in ice dance bothered to show up. The word “Presentation” was misspelled in the score graphic for the entirety of the short program. I am approaching this event with exactly the amount of gravitas that it demands.

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2017 World Championships Field Guide: Men Part 1

How is it time for Worlds already? It feels like just last week, I was booking a flight for Boston. Now, skaters are on their way to Helsinki to do it all over again. Although I won’t be there to witness the magic in person this year, I’ll still do my best to provide complete coverage of the biggest figure skating event of the season. And that starts with field guides, as many as I can finish before the competition begins.

With 10 days to go, there are 37 men on the roster for the 2017 World Figure Skating Championships, representing a total of 30 countries. As much as I’d love to trim things down the way I did for my World Junior Championships Men’s Field Guide, there’s no way to do it for senior-level Worlds. The minimum technical scores required are so high that any skater who competes at Worlds is capable of phenomenal jumps, and most of the guys on the list are fantastic performers to boot. So I’m splitting this into a series of three posts and covering every athlete in the event.

For the most part, this will look like the field guides I’ve written for U. S. Nationals and Junior Worlds. For each skater, I’ll provide basic background information, YouTube videos of recent performances, and a summary of his season so far. I’ll also analyze each athlete’s chances on a five-point scale. Four of the categories are the same as usual: Front Runners at the top, Dark Horses with an outside chance, Just Happy to Be Here who have already achieved their season goals by qualifying for Worlds, and Why I Drink for the wildcards so wild that I have no idea how they’ll perform. But since an athlete at Worlds is, by definition, at the top of his game, it doesn’t make sense to refer to any of these skaters as “on the rise.” Instead, I’ll rate the mid-range as On the Bubble: striving for more than just an appearance on the ice, but not on par with the top tier. I’m also adding one new section to each skater’s profile. Since quadruple jumps are such a defining aspect of men’s skating these days, I’ll discuss which quads each athlete is likely to attempt, and his chances of rotating and landing them.

This post features the first 12 men’s skaters in alphabetical order, which includes a lot of the heavy hitters. Here we go!

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